I feel fat

In un libro che ho letto qualche tempo fa, l’autore racconta di essere stato sempre molto magro durante l’adolescenza e la gioventù. Per questo motivo, sempre secondo lui, anche adesso che pesa ben oltre cento chili, continua a sentirsi, comportarsi e muoversi come una persona magra. La sua teoria è che essendo stato magro durante gli anni in cui si prende sempre più coscienza del proprio corpo e anche della propria immagine, allora adesso continua a sentirsi magro e a suo agio con il proprio corpo, nonostante sia in sovrappeso. Adesso, si potrebbe aprire una discussione enorme tra Body Positivity, significato di persona grassa e persona magra, differenza tra come ci si percepisce e come veniamo percepiti/e dalle altre persone, pressione sociale, cultura dell’immagine e molto altro. Ma tornando alla teoria di questo autore, che non so assolutamente quanto sia fondata, devo ammettere che mi ha tranquillizzato. Forse continuo a sentirmi grasso, anche se la maggioranza delle persone attorno a me lo negano, perché durante l’infanzia e l’adolescenza lo ero e le persone me lo facevano notare, era una delle mie caratteristiche definenti. Forse, insieme a molte altre cose, ho profondamente incorporato il fatto di sentirmi grasso.

I feel fat

I’m not fat

I feel fat

I’m not fat

But I feel fat

But I’m not fat

But I feel fat

I don’t look at my belly

Never touch my belly

I take a shower and I don’t look at myself

I hold my breath

I eat less

Or at leat I try, I try training myself, no sugar no bread, do not eat after sunset

And still, I feel fat

I know I am not my feelings, but I feel fat, I weigh myself, don’t want to count calories, would like to don’t give a fuck, accept myself, like I am, don’t care about what other people thinks, what other people see, say, want, but what I want, what it is that I want, the six pacs, maybe to see my ass, the pressure of society, the pressure of images, the pressure of the media, but mainly the pressure that myself puts on myself, I am tired of myself, I feel fat, why do not apply some body positivity to my body so to myself, always myself, I am tired of myself, I feel fat

I love sugar, pizza and bread

I feel fat

I would love to fuck my self

I would love to fuck my fat self

I feel fat

In a book I read some time ago, the author says that he was always very thin during his adolescence and youth. For this reason, according to him, even now that he weighs well over one hundred kilos, he continues to feel, behave and move like a thin person. His theory is that having been thin during the years in which he became increasingly aware of his body and of his own image, he now continues to feel thin and comfortable with his body, despite being overweight. Now, a huge discussion could be opened about Body Positivity, the meaning of fat and thin, the difference between how we perceive ourselves and how we are perceived by other people, social pressure, image culture and much more. But coming back to this author's theory, which I absolutely don't know how well founded it is, I must admit that he reassured me. Maybe I continue to feel fat, even if the majority of people around me deny it, because during childhood and adolescence I was fat and people pointed it out to me, it was one of my defining characteristics. Maybe I embodied deep in myself, together with a lot of other things, the fact of feeling fat.